Avicii – the Swedish DJ best known for his 2 billion-view hit ‘Wake Me Up’ – struggled with physical and mental pain for several years before his death in 2018 at the age of 28.

The intimate thoughts in his diary are revealed in the upcoming biography by journalist Måns Mosesson, Tim – The Official Biography of Avicii . The author talked to Avicii’s parents, relatives, friends and colleagues to write a book that recreates the life and career of the talented and ill-fated artist.

DJ Avicii.

Avicii, real name Tim Bergling, died in Muscat, Oman, during a vacation in April 2018. He committed suicide by using a glass bottle.

The DJ and musician has chronicled his struggles with alcoholism and illness. “It hurts. Why am I hurting now? It’s not good,” Avicii wrote in the Ibiza Calm rehab center in 2015, when his family encouraged him to get sober. “Future Tim will deal with the pain. Future Tim will deal with the pain better than now because he’s dealt with so much pain already.”

He was honest with himself about his relapse: “I had a hard time accepting that I would never drink again, despite all the doctors telling me to wait at least a year before having a beer. Of course, I didn’t listen to most doctors, I listened to my husband and I who said just be careful. I was stupid and naive. I ventured into that world and I’m still on a never-ending journey – because once you’ve circled around it, guess what?”

Avicii suffered from pancreatitis due to excessive drinking. He spent a long time in hospital and later underwent surgery to remove his gallbladder and appendix. Avicii wrote about the feeling of fighting the pain and illness: “You start over again. The days in hospital were the most anxious and stressful days I can remember in the last six years. Sadly, they were my real days off.” The Wake Me Up hitmaker also recorded the process from extreme pain to relief when treating pancreatitis.

Avicii on stage.

In 2016, Avicii had to cancel his tour due to health problems. He announced his retirement because he could no longer perform and needed time to take care of himself. “I had to do this for my health,” the singer confided to The Hollywood Reporter. “My current life is not good for me. Not the shows or the music, but other things surrounding the life of a celebrity are not suitable for me. I am basically an introvert, so being an artist is very difficult. I think I have been exposed to a lot of negative energy.”

After more than a year off, Avicii returned with the six-track EP Avīci in 2017. During that time, he struggled with his intense passion for music and balancing his life. Avicii began meditating following the teachings of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, an Indian spiritual leader. He would meditate for hours, despite the recommended 20 minutes a day. “It felt like I was in a new default mode, which was very new and a little scary. I felt like the fear of the past few days had consumed me, but I remembered the trick of focusing on my breathing,” Avicii wrote in his diary.

Just a day before Avicii died, an acquaintance he had met while traveling in Oman contacted the artist’s father, concerned about his prolonged meditation. The friend explained that Avicii was not eating or speaking. The friend later called again to inform Avicii’s father that he had committed suicide.

The star born in 1989 wrote the last line in his diary: “The soul’s transformation is the last attachment, before it restarts!”.

A few days before, Avicii still met and took pictures with fans in Oman and went boating with some friends.

Avicii (center) took a photo with friends in Oman a few days before his death.

In a statement to fans after Avicii’s death, his family wrote: “Our beloved Tim was a fragile artistic soul who was always searching for answers to existence. He was a perfectionist, a person who was always moving and working hard, which led to extreme stress. When he decided to stop touring, he wanted to find balance in his life so that he could be happy and be able to do what he loved most – music. He was really struggling with thoughts about Meaning, Life, Happiness. He could not continue any longer. He wanted to find peace. Tim did not put himself into the business machine, he was a sensitive guy who loved his fans but did not like fame.”

Avicii was born into a prominent Swedish family. His mother was film star Anki Liden, who appeared in the Oscar-nominated film My Life as a Dog . One of Avicii’s brothers was also an actor, while the other was a hotelier.

Avicii is one of the world’s most talented and highest-paid DJs. He once earned $250,000 a night playing sold-out shows. Avicii was ranked second on DJ Magazine’s 2012 list of the world’s 100 hottest DJs. He has been nominated for two Grammy Awards, for his 2012 collaboration with David Guetta, Sunshine, and his 2013 single Levels .